"Have To" vs "Choose To"

     Stop for a moment to make a list of the things you “have to do”.  Once you complete your list, take a look at it.  You may have things on there like “Go to Work”, “Pay Bills”, “Take out the Garbage”, Do the Laundry”, and “Vacuum the House”.

     Are the items on your list truly things you “have to do”?  When you were a child and you were told by your mom or dad to clean up your room, did you do it willingly and with a smile or did you comply begrudgingly?  The truth is, we often experience a mental “push-back” when others tell us we have to do something.  This mental push-back can also occur if we tell ourselves, through our self-talk, that we “have to do” a certain task.  This mental pushback will cause our attitude while accomplishing these “have to do” tasks to be negative and makes accomplishing this task an unpleasant experience.

     When you look at your list of “Have to Dos”, are they tasks that you really have or must do or are they tasks that you do because the alternative is unpleasant or something we would not want to occur? We pay our bills because we do not like the consequences that would occur (e.g., no electricity or heat).  We take out the garbage because we don’t want lots of smelly trash to affect our home’s aesthetics.   We do the laundry because we want to look our best and not offend our family, friends, or co-workers with our appearance or with any unpleasant odor.  In short, we “choose” to do many tasks because we do not like the consequences that may befall us if we don’t do them.

    For many years, I would tell myself that “I had to cut the grass”.  I felt that the grass was a master over me.  As such, I had a lousy attitude when cutting the grass and found the time engaging in this weekly summer activity to be annoying and unpleasant.  However, several years ago, I realized that I was actually “choosing” to cut the grass because I did not want our lawn to be an eyesore to my neighbors.  I also liked the look of a freshly mowed lawn.  As soon as I began telling myself that I “choose” to cut the grass, my attitude greatly improved and I quickly found that for 1 ½ hours each week, I now had uninterrupted time to myself while I accomplished this task.  I was now master over the grass.  Because of my new positive attitude, I was now able to use this time to mentally look for answers to problems that I might have been experiencing at work or to begin formulating poems or prose that I would occasionally prepare.  My time cutting the grass was now a pleasant experience.

     It is so much better to get your life into a “Choose To” rather than a “Have To” mode.  Eliminate those mental push-backs by using your self-talk to tell yourself that you “choose” to accomplish a particular task.  See if it doesn’t improve your attitude while accomplishing this task and see if you don’t remove some of the stress and aggravation that you created for yourself while doing these “have to” tasks.  From now on, what will you “choose to" do?

Commitment

The moment you commit and quit holding back, all sorts of unforseen

incidents, meetings, and material assistance will rise up to help you.

The simple act of commitment is a powerful magnet for help.

~ Napoleon Hill ~

Trees

Consider the tree for a moment.  As beautiful as trees are to look at,

we don't see what goes on underground - as they grow roots.

Trees must develop deep roots in order to grow strong and produce their beauty.

But we don't see the roots.  We just see and enjoy the beauty.

In much the same way, what goes on inside of us is like the roots of a tree.

~ Joyce Meyer ~

Happy Arbor Day!

Consider a tree for a moment. As beautiful as trees are to look at, we don't see what goes on underground - as they grow roots. Trees must develop deep roots in order to grow strong and produce their beauty. But we don't see the roots. We just see and enjoy the beauty. In much the same way, what goes on inside of us is like the roots of a tree. Joyce Meyer
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/trees.html

Consider a tree for a moment. As beautiful as trees are to look at, we don't see what goes on underground - as they grow roots. Trees must develop deep roots in order to grow strong and produce their beauty. But we don't see the roots. We just see and enjoy the beauty. In much the same way, what goes on inside of us is like the roots of a tree. Joyce Meyer
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/trees.html

Consider a tree for a moment. As beautiful as trees are to look at, we don't see what goes on underground - as they grow roots. Trees must develop deep roots in order to grow strong and produce their beauty. But we don't see the roots. We just see and enjoy the beauty. In much the same way, what goes on inside of us is like the roots of a tree. Joyce Meyer
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/trees.html

Always Dream

Always dream and shoot 

higher than you know you can do.

Don't bother just to be better than

your contemporaries or predecessors.

Try to be better than yourself.

~ William Faulkner ~

Courage

Courage is the capacity to confront

what can be imagined.

~ Leo Rosten ~

Getting Better

You don't need

to be sick to get better.

~ Dick Anderson ~

What Can't You Do?

     Take a minute and think about or write down all the things that you can’t do.  Reflect on your list of Can’ts.  Are they really things that you cannot do or are they things that you never tried, did not receive any instruction, did not practice or gain any experience, or simply chose not to do.

     We are subjected to so many four-letter words from a variety of sources, to include movies, TV, and social media.  However, there is one four-letter word that I think is extremely destructive to each one of us.  It is the word “Can’t”.  When we tell ourselves or believe when others tell us, that we can’t do something, we are keeping ourselves in our comfort zone and putting a lid on our potential.  It also lowers our self-image.  Successful people do not let the word can’t interfere with their goals, dreams, and aspirations.  So, if you find your self-talk using the word “Can’t”, drop it from your self-talk vocabulary.  Not using the word “can’t”, opens up all kinds of potential and possibilities.  And make sure that you are not guilty of telling others (children, co-workers, etc.) that they can’t do something.  You may just be stifling someone’s potential to expand and improve their capabilities.

     How many of you can speak Chinese?  If your self-talk responds by saying you “can’t” speak Chinese, you are putting a lid on your potential.  By saying that to yourself, you are saying that you do not have the talent, skills, or ability to learn Chinese.  Yet, there are over a billion people in China, many of whom are children that can speak Chinese.  The truth is, if you had the goal, desire, and determination to speak Chinese, or any other language, you could.  A better self-talk answer might be, “I have not learned to speak Chinese, but if I had the desire or determination to learn Chinese, I know I could.”  

     I do want to be clear about one thing.  Obviously there may be physical or other limitations that may preclude your ability to reach a particular goal.  For example, it is highly unlikely that a 6’6” man, weighing 250 lbs., could ever be a successful jockey and ride in the Kentucky Derby.  So, while being a jockey might not be a suitable career aspiration, there is no reason why this man could not be successful in learning to ride a horse if he had the desire to do so.

     You will never know about your potential if you tell yourself that you can’t do something without having ever tried.  Convince yourself that you have the potential to accomplish anything that you desire.  And if you are unable to do something at the moment, it is not because you can’t, rather it is because you have no desire to have that capability or you just have not had sufficient instruction or experience to become proficient in that ability.  Can’t is a very ugly and destructive word.  Remove it from your vocabulary.  Keep the lid on your potential wide open for yourself and others and don’t allow the word “can’t” to close that lid.

     By the way, can you run a marathon?

Science

The saddest aspect of life right now

is that science gathers knowledge

faster than society gathers wisdom.

~ Issac Asimov ~

Science knows no country, because knowledge belongs to humanity, and is the torch which illuminates the world. Louis Pasteur
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/l/louispaste468082.html?src=t_science

Science knows no country, because knowledge belongs to humanity, and is the torch which illuminates the world. Louis Pasteur
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/l/louispaste468082.html?src=t_science

Tomorrow

If you won't be better

tomorrow than you were today, then

what do you need tomorrow for?

~ Rabbi Nahman of Bratslav ~

Stronger

Perhaps I am

stronger than I think.

~ Thomas Merton ~

What Really Counts

We cannot tell what may happen

to us in the strange medley of life.

But we can decide what happens in us,

how we take it, what we do with it -

and that is what really counts in the end.

~ Joseph Fort Newton ~

How Are You Doing?

     If someone asks you, "How are you doing", how do you respond?  Thinking about your response, how would you rate your answer; 10 being the best positive answer you could give and 1 being the worst.  Should your answer state exactly how you are doing at that moment or be a reminder to yourself about how you would like to be doing at that moment?  Do you think people who ask this question really do want to know how you are or is it just a polite way of greeting someone?  I feel that even if the person who asked you this question may be indifferent to your response, you should care very much about how you respond.

     How many times a day do you think you are asked that question?  Have you ever wanted a mental pick-me-up to get you through the day?  Well, here is an opportunity to do just that.  What if each time someone asks you how you are doing you would answer with a positive word or phrase such as "Great", "Fantastic", "Stupendous", or "Absolutely marvelous and getting even better"!  Responding positively will be an affirmative reminder that will affect your subconscious and give you a mental pick-me-up as you go about your day.  It also will bring back a smile to your face that may have been lost.  So, think about your normal response to people who ask you how you are doing and be prepared to make a more positive response the next time.  You may be surprised about how much better you actually feel when you respond in a positive way.

Greatest Crime

The greatest crime in the world

is not developing your potential.

When you do what you do best,

you are helping not only

yourself, but the world.

~ Roger Williams ~

Faith and Doubt

Faith and doubt are both

needed - not as antagonists, but

working side by side - to take us

 around the unknown curve.

~ Lillian Smith ~

Ultimate Mystery Trip

          When our children were little, I would often put them in the car and announce that I was taking them on a “Mystery Trip”.  And no matter how much they questioned where we were going, all I would say was, “You’ll see when we get there.”  This tradition of “Mystery Trips’ has continued with our grandchildren and it is something they seem to enjoy.  Very often, the excitement that is generated in the idea of going on a “Mystery Trip” is as great as or greater than the actual final destination itself.

              In several religions, we have been assured by a deity of the greatest “Mystery Trip” of all, which is where we will go after our life here on earth has ended.  The idea of the heaven that awaits us generates much excitement in our hearts and minds.  However, we all must admit that heaven is the ultimate mystery that may be waiting for us.

              The proof of the existence of a heaven has been debated for centuries by philosophers and theologians.   Scientists, those who use facts rather than faith to make conclusions, have often been wary to admit to the existence of a heaven because of the inability to find conclusive facts that would substantiate heaven’s existence.

               A neurosurgeon, Dr. Eben Alexander, wrote a book, entitled, “Proof of Heaven”, in which he describes his journey into the Afterlife.  As a neurosurgeon, Dr. Alexander did not believe in the phenomenon of near death experiences.  He thought he understood what happened to the brain when people are near death, and had always believed there were good scientific explanations for the heavenly out-of-body journeys described by those who narrowly escaped death.

              In the fall of 2008, however, after seven days in a coma, caused by a rare bacterial meningitis, and during which the human part of his brain, the neocortex, was inactivated, Dr. Alexander experienced something so profound that it gave him a scientific reason to believe in consciousness after death.

              Dr. Alexander writes, “There is no scientific explanation for the fact that while my body lay in a coma, my mind-my conscious, inner self-was alive and well.  While the neurons of my cortex were stunned to complete inactivity by the bacteria that had attacked them, my brain-free consciousness journeyed to another, larger dimension of the universe; a dimension I’d never dreamed existed and which the old, pre-coma me would have been more than happy to explain was a simple impossibility.

              Toward the beginning of my adventure, I was in a place of clouds.  Big, puffy, pink-white ones that showed up sharply against the deep blue-black sky.  Higher than the clouds-immeasurably higher-flocks of transparent, shimmering beings arced across the sky, leaving long, streamer like lines behind them.  Birds? Angels? These words registered later, when I was writing down my recollections.  But neither of these words do justice to the beings themselves, which were quite simply different from anything I have known on this planet.  They were more advanced.  Higher forms.

              For most of my journey, someone else was with me.  A woman.  Without using any words, she spoke to me.  The message went through me like a wind, and I instantly understood that it was true.  The message had three parts, and if I had to translate them into earthly language, I’d say they ran something like this:

              You are loved and cherished, dearly, forever.

              You have nothing to fear

              There is nothing you can do wrong

              We will show you many things here, the woman said, again, without actually using these words but by driving their conceptual essence directly into me.  But eventually, you will go back.”

              Dr. Alexander did regain consciousness and has attempted to explain what happened to him and, when explaining his experience to his medical friends, has received looks of polite disbelief.  He writes, “One of the few places I didn’t have trouble getting my story across was in church.  The first time I entered a church after my coma, I saw everything with fresh eyes.  The colors of the stained-glass windows recalled the luminous beauty of the landscapes I’d seen in the world above.  The deep bass notes of the organ reminded me of how thoughts and emotions in that world are like waves that move through you.  And, most important, a painting of Jesus breaking bread with his disciples evoked the message that lay at the very heart of my journey; that we are loved and accepted unconditionally by a God even more grand and unfathomably glorious than the one I’d learned of as a child in Sunday school.”

          Many of us look forward with anticipation and excitement for the Mystery Trip that awaits us.  In the meantime, we should live our lives here on earth with the knowledge and the comfort that we are loved unconditionally and that we may be going to an afterlife that exceeds our dreams and expectations.  

           

Be Determined

Be absolutely determined

to enjoy what you do.

~ Gerry Sikorski ~

Winners

Winners believe in their worth

in advance of their performance.

~ Denis Waitley ~

Congratulations Sergio!

Ability To Choose

Everything can be taken from man except 

the last of the human freedoms, his ability

to choose his own attitude in any given set of

circumstances - to choose his own way.

~ Viktor Frankl ~

How's Your Attitude?

     We are like icebergs.  You probably know that icebergs usually have about 10% of its mass above the water and 90% is beneath the surface where it cannot be seen.  You are like an iceberg because about 10% of you is currently showing, that is called your effectiveness, what you are currently able to do.  However, 90% of you is unseen but is still within you.  This is your potential and there are three ingredients of potential:
1.  Natural ability and talent
2.  Knowledge/education/training   
3.  Desire
 
     Your potential will enable you to be successful in ways you could never imagine.  So how do you tap into that potential?  First you must be able to deal with change.  See a previous posting about dealing with change.

     Another way to tap into your potential is to have a positive attitude.  The word "attitude" today has a negative connotation.  If you say someone has an "attitude", it means that they are a negative person.  But we know that an attitude can be both positive and negative.  Attitudes are really the direction in which we lean, for or against something.  They are habits of thinking and they can contribute significantly to our comfort zone.  It is often said that first we form attitudes and then they form us.  These habits of thought can predict or perpetuate our performance. 

     Dr. Benjamin Bloom did a study a number of years ago and found that attitude was more important than talent and that the key to success was determination and desire, the direct results from having a positive attitude.  You can develop and maintain a positive attitude through your self-talk (see a previous posting about self-talk).   Have you ever noticed that successful people have acquired the habit of talking about what they are for rather than what they are against?  It is this optimism that propels them forward. 

     So it is OK to have an attitude.  Just make sure it is positive if you want to be happier and more successful. 

Attitudes are contagious.

Do you want people around you to catch yours?

~ Bob Moawad ~

     

Always Think Positive

“Whatever you do to gain success, you have to hang in there 

and hope good things happen.  Always think positive.”

~ Don Rickles ~

R.I.P.

Be a Champion

To be a champion

You have to believe in yourself

when no one else will.

~ Sugar Ray Robinson ~

Where Are You Going?

If you don't know where you are going,

how will you know when you get there?

~ Casey Stengel ~

Open Doors

When one door closes another door opens;

but we often look so longingly and so

regretfully upon the door that closed, that 

we fail to see the one that has opened for us.

~ Helen Keller ~

Dealing with Change

     Most people dislike or are uncomfortable with changes that occur.  The fact is that change is an inevitable part of our lives.  In order to be successful, you must be able to deal with change. In the book, "The Bridges of Madison County", Robert, one of the characters in the book, says to Francesca, "Things change.  They always do. It's one of the things of nature.  Most people are afraid of change, but if you look at it as something you can count on, then it can be a comfort."

     You can choose to accept change and the growth opportunities it provides or you can choose to be a victim of change.  It really is up to you.  Many people get comfortable with a certain way of doing things, either physically or mentally.  This is someone's Comfort Zone.  There is another name for it that is not as flattering.  It is called a "Rut".  They develop a comfort zone in which they operate and any changes that make them step outside their comfort zone can cause anxiety and stress.  Stop and think for a moment about your comfort zone.

     So how do you transition to situations that may be outside your comfort zone?  You change your self-image and what you believe about yourself.  You can do this through your self-talk.  Don't be concerned if when you step outside your comfort zone and try something new, that you are not good at it.  Let me remind you:  When you first started feeding yourself, were you good at it?  When you first learned to walk, were you good at it?  Through determination, desire, and perseverance, you did learn to feed yourself and walk.  There is no doubt you were performing outside your comfort zone when you learned to do these things.

     So do not fear change.  Get out of the rut you may be in.  Begin to seek ways to step outside your comfort zone.  Expand what constitutes your comfort zone.  It will feel uncomfortable at first but know that when you feel this way, you are growing as a person.  Don't be a victim of change, use it to your advantage.

    

Make the Most of Yourself

Make the most of yourself,

for that is all there is of you.

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson ~

Real Friends

Real friends are those who, when you feel you've made a fool of yourself, 

don't feel you've done a permanent job.