"Have To" vs "Choose To"

     Stop for a moment to make a list of the things you “have to do”.  Once you complete your list, take a look at it.  You may have things on there like “Go to Work”, “Pay Bills”, “Take out the Garbage”, Do the Laundry”, and “Vacuum the House”.

     Are the items on your list truly things you “have to do”?  When you were a child and you were told by your mom or dad to clean up your room, did you do it willingly and with a smile or did you comply begrudgingly?  The truth is, we often experience a mental “push-back” when others tell us we have to do something.  This mental push-back can also occur if we tell ourselves, through our self-talk, that we “have to do” a certain task.  This mental pushback will cause our attitude while accomplishing these “have to do” tasks to be negative and makes accomplishing this task an unpleasant experience.

     When you look at your list of “Have to Dos”, are they tasks that you really have or must do or are they tasks that you do because the alternative is unpleasant or something we would not want to occur? We pay our bills because we do not like the consequences that would occur (e.g., no electricity or heat).  We take out the garbage because we don’t want lots of smelly trash to affect our home’s aesthetics.   We do the laundry because we want to look our best and not offend our family, friends, or co-workers with our appearance or with any unpleasant odor.  In short, we “choose” to do many tasks because we do not like the consequences that may befall us if we don’t do them.

    For many years, I would tell myself that “I had to cut the grass”.  I felt that the grass was a master over me.  As such, I had a lousy attitude when cutting the grass and found the time engaging in this weekly summer activity to be annoying and unpleasant.  However, several years ago, I realized that I was actually “choosing” to cut the grass because I did not want our lawn to be an eyesore to my neighbors.  I also liked the look of a freshly mowed lawn.  As soon as I began telling myself that I “choose” to cut the grass, my attitude greatly improved and I quickly found that for 1 ½ hours each week, I now had uninterrupted time to myself while I accomplished this task.  I was now master over the grass.  Because of my new positive attitude, I was now able to use this time to mentally look for answers to problems that I might have been experiencing at work or to begin formulating poems or prose that I would occasionally prepare.  My time cutting the grass was now a pleasant experience.

     It is so much better to get your life into a “Choose To” rather than a “Have To” mode.  Eliminate those mental push-backs by using your self-talk to tell yourself that you “choose” to accomplish a particular task.  See if it doesn’t improve your attitude while accomplishing this task and see if you don’t remove some of the stress and aggravation that you created for yourself while doing these “have to” tasks.  From now on, what will you “choose to" do?